La Sylphide | Photo by Sergey Dyachkov
*stands in the moonlight to absorb big witch energy*
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I firmly believe that unless the couple has discussed and agreed to marriage ahead of time, nobody has any business making a surprise public proposal.
Okay except some people want a surprise public proposal.
Girl my husband took me to Spain and gave me a kinder egg on the beach, the ring was inside the capsule (Lord knows how he did that) if any feminist tried to take that away from me I may cut a bitch. Best surprise of my life.
I wish people were capable of analyzing larger social trends and figuring that a significant number of women end up getting pressured into engagements or marriages they don’t want bc the audience that comes along with a public proposal will think she’s a bitch if she says no - instead of thinking “i liked it when it happened to me, therefore it could never turn out badly for anyone, not ever!!!!”
I think what people are misunderstanding here is that agreeing to marriage ahead of time doesn’t need to be like, asking permission to propose? I surprised my now spouse with a proposal in Disneyland but before that we had several conversations about the future of our relationship, future plans for our retirements and how we’d have to get married eventually for immigration purposes. I didn’t go to her and say “so would you say yeah if I proposed?” or hash out deets ahead of time, but we had enough of a mutual understanding and communicated desire to get married that, although it was a surprise for when and how I proposed, it wasn’t out of left field at all.
This is exactly like conversations about consent, people get up in arms thinking that it means you have to have contracts and serious sit down conversations before doing anything when its REALLY EASY to simply COMMUNICATE with your partner so things like this are done properly, yeesh
A piece of advice from my mother: If you’re surprised they proposed, you’re not ready to get married.
My now-husband and I had been dating for nearly a year, we had talked about marriage, what sort of wedding we’d like, children vs no children, etc. We went to a shopping center/mall during the holidays when massive sales are going on, and he had me look at the jewelry to see what sort of thing I like. I asked to have my finger sized for a ring…just in case. A few months later he proposed, and had the ring I showed most interest in. I was sick as fuck, had been on bed-rest for two weeks due to how sick I was, and he had spent those two weeks helping me get to and from the bathroom. I hadn’t showered for nearly four days when the fever finally broke and I was strong enough to get out of bed. Managed to get up on my own and was on my way to the bathroom when he got down on one knee and proposed to me in the hallway.
The WAY he proposed surprised me, not the proposal itself.
You should know a proposal is coming, be expecting it. Oh, hell, talk about what sort of proposal you would loathe. Now-husband and I had watched a guy propose to his girlfriend in the middle of a mall and the girl smacked her boyfriend. He used a MICROPHONE so everyone could hear him. She took the microphone, smacked him, and stated very clearly “this is the most humiliating thing you could have done to me” and walked away.
Some people aren’t okay with a public proposal and others love it. TALK TO EACH OTHER. Folks proposing: if you’re wondering what your significant other would like and want to surprise them with HOW you do it, talk to their friends, family, and reflect on conversations you’ve had. There’s a fair chance a public proposal will be a nightmare for them.
Honestly, in the end, a proposal should be just a formality for something that both people have already agreed upon.
It’s not that one can’t make it as extravagant as they want, but it should only come after both parties have already went through the details of what a married life entails and how compatible they’d be and that it’s something they both want.
A surprise proposal should always be a surprise because “Oh shit, I didn’t expect you to do this now”, and not “Oh shit, I didn’t expect you to do this at all.”
